Classes for Men
Forums Archive Index > General Chat > Classes for Men
Author: Paula
Date: 23 Dec 2005 3:43 pm
WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT
THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY:
IMMEDIATELY!
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Author: Marshall
Date: 23 Dec 2005 3:59 pm
Quote:
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
I don't need this, heck, I can hit the toilet from the shower without a drop out of place.
Quote:
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Never, I won't turn gay.
Quote:
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost
Real men don't get lost.
Quote:
Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.
In other word, watch Oprah. yea, right.
Quote:
Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Best IPE ever for keeping women busy and to give men a break from listening to whining and nagging.
:lol:
Author: Paula
Date: 23 Dec 2005 4:03 pm
I can see the lobotomies will be especially useful in some cases... :roll: :roll:
Author: Marshall
Date: 23 Dec 2005 4:07 pm
Paula wrote:
I can see the lobotomies will be especially useful in some cases... :roll: :roll:
Yep, for all "less than real" men. :wink: :wink:
Author: snowshoveler
Date: 23 Dec 2005 9:03 pm
aw fer crying out loud woman...
im already housebroken.
got a collar to prove it,just a minute.
hey it says Paula's on the tag.
i guess thats for you to know.
chris
Author: Paula
Date: 23 Dec 2005 9:13 pm
snowshoveler wrote:
aw fer crying out loud woman...
im already housebroken.
got a collar to prove it,just a minute.
hey it says Paula's on the tag.
i guess thats for you to know.
chris
Yeah, yeah, yeah...but are you micro chipped? :twisted:
Author: Boston_Rob
Date: 23 Dec 2005 11:47 pm
I must admit.... I'm guilty of #1 on a regular basis.
Author: Paula
Date: 23 Dec 2005 11:55 pm
Boston_Rob wrote:
I must admit.... I'm guilty of #1 on a regular basis.
All right guys...how about the rest of you? (I hear confession is good for the soul... :twisted: :lol:)
Author: Marshall
Date: 24 Dec 2005 12:20 am
Heck, if it wasn't for 6,9,12 and 13, I would be worried that I'm a woman.
Author: Bill_D
Date: 24 Dec 2005 12:46 am
Are you finished? Well then please allow me to retort!
#1) I bought you an auto icemaker fridge side by side stainless that you wanted, it makes its own ice blondie.
#2) What happens in your bathroom needs to stay there. I buy a 24 pack of Charmin Ultra for my bathroom. I seemingly never run out, and when I do, I run out and buy more, I dont sit arounds and complain about it.
#3) I consider my self a hell of a shot. My mom potty trained me w/ floating cheerios, and I still incorporate that deadly precision till this day. Perhaps you have another guy here during the day when I'm at work that doesnt aim as well as me.
#4) Duely noted.
#5) I bought you an $850 dishwasher, do you think the money for that just magically appeared and flyed into the appliance store clerks hand??
#6) You cant even turn the DVD player on, and you think you should be handling the master remote?? Haaahhh!!! Geat a clue sister!!
#7) If you didnt move them, they would be right where I left them. What is your fascination w/ annoying me??
#8) Flowers? I chopped down a whole Oak tree for ya last fall remember?? Flowers are for wimps! I would be worried if I were you if your husband bought you flowers, he may be crying out for help coming out of the closet.
#9) I have GPS. Notice I have it on mute to. I do that because the gals voice telling me which way to turn every 15 seconds annoys me. The highlighted route is all I need. I can read street signs. Quietness is next to holiness, cough cough, shut the %#@* up!!!!
#10) Is that what you call what your doing?? I thought it was bump, turn wheel change direction as many timnes as you can contest. See, I do it in one swoop, always 3/4 of an inch to the curb, and never bumpin anyone elses ride.
#11) Well neither of ya never shut up, so I'm confused. Next question.
#12) I shop on line. I'm good for the environement, as I sdave gas by not going all around town lookin for deals. You are bad for our environment. Whats next, are ya gonna run out and club a seal or something??!!
#13) Hallmark holidays, ALL of them(except my birthday). I'm trying to save us money like you wanted, by failing to acknowledge them, duhhh!!
#14) I know how it works, I make pizzas all the time, after I dont eat your crummy dinner.
Author: Paula
Date: 24 Dec 2005 8:53 am
Bill D
That was freakin' hilarious!
Author: buttlint
Date: 24 Dec 2005 10:50 am
Quote:
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
If you wouldnt hide them...we could find them. :x
The last thing we need at 6 am is a game of hide and seek.
Thank God for the morning sports section or we would be buying new curtains for the bathroom everytime a holiday rolled around. :roll:
Author: Paula
Date: 24 Dec 2005 11:23 am
buttlint wrote:
If you wouldnt hide them...we could find them. :x
The last thing we need at 6 am is a game of hide and seek.
Thank God for the morning sports section or we would be buying new curtains for the bathroom everytime a holiday rolled around. :roll:
I thought guys liked to play hide and seek..
And that brings up another good point....as long as you spend so much time in the pooper....why not take a manual or two in there with you? :shock: Heck...by the time you're done using the facilities, you could've read at least two or three of those :roll: ...and maybe in a month or so you'd be all caught up on the manuals you never seem to find time to read...
Author: Highwind
Date: 24 Dec 2005 1:47 pm
Bill_D and Buttlint... 
It isn't right that there are men's only courses. It is blatant discrimination against women, our favourite gender, which we can't live with, and can't live without. So how's about we come up with some classes for the ladies.
I'll start with a few:
1. Letter "E" on the Gas Gauge: what is its significance?
Includes field trips to full service and self service gas stations, and instructions on where the gas cap is and how to operate a pump.
Tues, 5 to 9 PM. Offered weekly.
2. Frozen Dinners - Gourmet Cooking - NOT!
How to find fresh meat and vegetables in your grocers. Boiling water, frying without burning and other useful hints, so you can prepare your first real meal.
Mon, Wed, and Fri. 1 to 4 pm, 2 month course, with follow-on refresher training
3. Dishwasher Loading - What shouldn't go in
Basics of what it does, how there aren't magic gremlins running around in there with scrub brushes to squeeze between nested plates and spoons, why metal tie wraps, pop can tabs, shouldn't be left on dishes.
Saturday, 8 am to 2 pm. With practical demonstations.
4. Laundry Basics.
Sorting colours and explanations of why white shirts turn pink when washed with a new red towel. Checking kids pants pockets for gum.
Tues, Thurs, 3 - 5 pm.
5. How to be a good wife.
Appreciating and understanding the rules of football, baseball and hockey, and the importance of not talking until the ads.
For those who do not graduate, a roll of duct tape will be provided.
Monday, 7 - 9 am, weekly
6. A good wife - Advanced training.
How to say "yes" rather than reducing him to begging. Understanding "Let's get it on" as foreplay. Fun things to do on your back.
Daily, whenever.
Okay guys, please add some courses for the ladies.
Author: Marshall
Date: 24 Dec 2005 2:41 pm
Training class: "The wife your husband really deserves."
How to become a Wife and Mother of understanding and patients by day yet a sultry slut, porn star wannabe in your bedroom at night.
Author: Bill_D
Date: 24 Dec 2005 4:20 pm
Mime 101: An indepth look at and review of the art of not talking.
Author: Paula
Date: 24 Dec 2005 8:46 pm
Bill_D wrote:
Mime 101: An indepth look at and review of the art of not talking.
But that's the beauty of women Bill....we can communicate without saying a word...
Author: Marshall
Date: 25 Dec 2005 10:29 pm
Paula, we appreciate you women more than we let on. None of us want your job, we've seen it and it scares the hell out of us. :shock:
:wink:
Author: Paula
Date: 25 Dec 2005 11:26 pm
Thanks Marshall! 
It may relieve you to know that I have no desire to be a guy either..
Author: Walt
Date: 26 Dec 2005 7:47 am
Paula wrote:
Bill_D wrote:
Mime 101: An indepth look at and review of the art of not talking.
But that's the beauty of women Bill....we can communicate without saying a word...
Paula,
Is that why the two "main" women here each have over 1000 posts?...
Go ahead and say something, you'll prove my point!!! 8)
(It's really killing you right now, isn't it :lol: :lol: :lol:)
Author: MissSnowshoveler
Date: 26 Dec 2005 8:53 am
Walt wrote:
Paula wrote:
Bill_D wrote:
Mime 101: An indepth look at and review of the art of not talking.
But that's the beauty of women Bill....we can communicate without saying a word...
Paula,
Is that why the two "main" women here each have over 1000 posts?...
Go ahead and say something, you'll prove my point!!! 8)
(It's really killing you right now, isn't it :lol: :lol: :lol:)
Author: Paula
Date: 26 Dec 2005 9:18 am
Author: Walt
Date: 26 Dec 2005 11:32 am
Ladies (written in a relative?... no, loose?... no, that doesn't sound good either, o.k. in a very "general" sense...) ROFLMAO :!: :!: :!:
YEAH!!! ... I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Walt
Author: Paula
Date: 26 Dec 2005 6:06 pm
Walt wrote:
Ladies (written in a relative?... no, loose?... no, that doesn't sound good either, o.k. in a very "general" sense...) ROFLMAO :!: :!: :!:
YEAH!!! ... I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Walt
:roll: :roll: :roll:
Author: Walt
Date: 26 Dec 2005 9:38 pm
Paula,
8) 8) 8)
Walt :wink:
Author: Paula
Date: 26 Dec 2005 10:56 pm
Author: Walt
Date: 27 Dec 2005 12:09 pm
I'll be damned Paula,
You really can communicate without saying a word! ... Keep up the good work!
Walt
Author: Paula
Date: 27 Dec 2005 1:15 pm
Walt wrote:
I'll be damned Paula,
You really can communicate without saying a word! ... Keep up the good work!
Walt
You are correct...I can communicate without SAYING a word...I can also communicate in what I type... :wink:
Author: mrmom
Date: 27 Dec 2005 9:24 pm
Talk about communicating without saying a word......
Author: Marshall
Date: 27 Dec 2005 10:03 pm
Alta at her finest, right when Termy asked her for payment on the lawn mowing. :lol:
Author: Walt
Date: 28 Dec 2005 4:34 am
Paula wrote:
Walt wrote:
I'll be damned Paula,
You really can communicate without saying a word! ... Keep up the good work!
Walt
You are correct...I can communicate without SAYING a word...I can also communicate in what I type... :wink:
I think your "SILENT side" is soooooo much sweeter...
Hey, why don't you try it out til the end of the year! :shock: :D :P
I'll even respond for you so you don't have to
Paula responded: :roll: :roll: :roll: ... yeah, o.k. ...whatever.
Author: Paula
Date: 28 Dec 2005 6:48 am
Walt wrote:
I think your "SILENT side" is soooooo much sweeter...
Hey, why don't you try it out til the end of the year! :shock: :D :P
I'll even respond for you so you don't have to
Paula responded: :roll: :roll: :roll: ... yeah, o.k. ...whatever.
Walt
Author: Marshall
Date: 28 Dec 2005 7:10 am
LOL That's pretty clever! :lol:
Author: Walt
Date: 28 Dec 2005 7:27 am
I understand you completely Paula ...
Walt, my love; you have stolen the hearts of many woman.
Some of us are silent, while others dance with joy for you in the streets. These ARE the chains of love! This isn't puppy love, it's the real thing.
Although I belong to the doormat club (Domestic Order of Really Meek and Timid Souls), I am Sorry, but you have lighted my fire since the beginning of man.
Couldn't we go back to the days when our home was built on a solid foundation?
Paula,
I am both flattered and touched over your devotion for me, although I am currently married with two children, so I have to say "no"...
Always,
Walt
Well, back to the egg nog...
Author: Paula
Date: 28 Dec 2005 7:57 am
Walt wrote:
I understand you completely Paula ...
Walt, my love; you have stolen the hearts of many woman.
Some of us are silent, while others dance with joy for you in the streets. These ARE the chains of love! This isn't puppy love, it's the real thing.
Although I belong to the doormat club (Domestic Order of Really Meek and Timid Souls), I am Sorry, but you have lighted my fire since the beginning of man.
Couldn't we go back to the days when our home was built on a solid foundation?
Paula,
I am both flattered and touched over your devotion for me, although I am currently married with two children, so I have to say "no"...
Always,
Walt
I guess this explains why no two eye witness accounts to accidents are ever the same...
Author: Walt
Date: 28 Dec 2005 8:01 am
Paula,
Speaking of accidents... It's really gotta kill you knowing you are a woman driver as soon as you put the keys into the ignition, doesn't it? 8) :lol: :shock:
Credit where due though, the pictures did tell a VERY good story!!! :wink:
Walt
Author: Paula
Date: 28 Dec 2005 8:11 am
Walt wrote:
Paula,
Speaking of accidents... It's really gotta kill you knowing you are a woman driver as soon as you put the keys into the ignition, doesn't it? 8) :lol: :shock:
Uhh...since I am a woman, I guess actually I am rather happy I am a woman driver...(would really hate it if every time I got behind the wheel, I turned into a guy :shock: :roll: :wink:)
Credit where due though, the pictures did tell a VERY good story!!! :wink:
Thank you Walt. :wink:
Walt
Author: Walt
Date: 28 Dec 2005 8:20 am
Paula wrote:
Uhh...since I am a woman, I guess actually I am rather happy I am a woman driver...(would really hate it if every time I got behind the wheel, I turned into a guy :shock: :roll: :wink:)
Being a guy while driving isn't so bad ... we can take a whiz in a beer bottle while we're driving down the road at 65 (years or mph)...
Author: Walt
Date: 28 Dec 2005 8:20 am
Paula wrote:
Uhh...since I am a woman, I guess actually I am rather happy I am a woman driver...(would really hate it if every time I got behind the wheel, I turned into a guy :shock: :roll: :wink:)
Being a guy while driving isn't so bad ... we can take a whiz in a beer bottle while we're driving down the road at 65 (years or mph)...
Author: Paula
Date: 28 Dec 2005 8:26 am
Walt wrote:
Being a guy while driving isn't so bad ... we can take a whiz in a beer bottle while we're driving down the road at 65 (years or mph)...
That means you either have great aim or... :shock: :cry: :cry:
You know what they say..."if the bottle fits..." :twisted:
Author: Walt
Date: 28 Dec 2005 11:26 am
Paula wrote:
That means you either have great aim or... :shock: :cry: :cry:
You know what they say..."if the bottle fits..." :twisted:
A CAT Scan says a thousand words ... great aim :wink: :) :)
Author: Highwind
Date: 28 Dec 2005 8:46 pm
Paula wrote:
Walt wrote:
I think your "SILENT side" is soooooo much sweeter...
Hey, why don't you try it out til the end of the year! :shock: :D :P
I'll even respond for you so you don't have to
Paula responded: :roll: :roll: :roll: ... yeah, o.k. ...whatever.
Walt
That was really well done, Paula. 
Author: mrmom
Date: 28 Dec 2005 11:06 pm
Marshall wrote:
Alta at her finest, right when Termy asked her for payment on the lawn mowing. :lol:
Lawn mowing?.... errrr.....ahhhhh.... I dunno..... :shock:
Author: Paula
Date: 28 Dec 2005 11:11 pm
Thanks Windy. To quote Walt..."a picture says a thousand words"
Author: Walt
Date: 29 Dec 2005 8:15 am
Paula wrote:
Thanks Windy. To quote Walt..."a picture says a thousand words"
There goes Paula, misquoting guys again...
Paula, you probably think when the ex said the he would fix something "this coming weekend", you took it as the next Saturday or Sunday you come to on the calendar too; didn't you??? :wink:
Walt
Author: Paula
Date: 29 Dec 2005 8:43 am
Walt wrote:
Paula, you probably think when the ex said the he would fix something "this coming weekend", you took it as the next Saturday or Sunday you come to on the calendar too; didn't you??? :wink:
Walt
No Walt...the few times when the X said he was going to fix something I tried to either distract him and then, if I could figure it out, fix it myself or made sure we weren't around when he did attempt it... :roll: :roll:
Author: Highwind
Date: 29 Dec 2005 9:10 am
Paula,
You probably heard your ‘hex’ (‘ex’ with a French accent) use words like #@!#@# and *#!*!!! or @@*&!@. Those should not be mistaken for profanity. They are technical jargon adjectives and descriptive modifiers used when weighing tradeoffs between highly complex alternative solutions to problems. Lots of guys use them. I do, as Murphy’s law is the only thing that seems to apply with my repair efforts.
Author: Walt
Date: 29 Dec 2005 9:31 am
Paula wrote:
Walt wrote:
Paula, you probably think when the ex said the he would fix something "this coming weekend", you took it as the next Saturday or Sunday you come to on the calendar too; didn't you??? :wink:
Walt
No Walt...the few times when the X said he was going to fix something I tried to either distract him and then, if I could figure it out, fix it myself or made sure we weren't around when he did attempt it... :roll: :roll:
I LOVE IT... :lol: :lol: :lol:
Author: Highwind
Date: 29 Dec 2005 1:19 pm
Paula wrote:
Thanks Windy. To quote Walt..."a picture says a thousand words"
So, both a picture and CAT Scan can say a thousand words... and can both not also be enhanced with software to make those thousand words speak of things larger than life or larger than...... say the neck of beer bottle?
Just pizzing around with possibilities. :lol: :wink:
Author: Paula
Date: 29 Dec 2005 1:53 pm
Highwind wrote:
Paula,
You probably heard your ‘hex’ (‘ex’ with a French accent) use words like #@!#@# and *#!*!!! or @@*&!@. Those should not be mistaken for profanity. They are technical jargon adjectives and descriptive modifiers used when weighing tradeoffs between highly complex alternative solutions to problems. Lots of guys use them. I do, as Murphy’s law is the only thing that seems to apply with my repair efforts.
I use my fair share of "technical terminology" :oops: when tackling a rapair project (though not around the kids) but the X was famous for either screwing it up so badly we had to call someone to fix his mess or somehow figuring a way that it was my fault....either way, it was usually just easier to figure it out myself or not be around when he was ranting. :roll: :roll:
Author: Paula
Date: 29 Dec 2005 6:00 pm
Highwind wrote:
Paula wrote:
Thanks Windy. To quote Walt..."a picture says a thousand words"
So, both a picture and CAT Scan can say a thousand words... and can both not also be enhanced with software to make those thousand words speak of things larger than life or larger than...... say the neck of beer bottle?
Just pizzing around with possibilities. :lol: :wink:
Not to put too fine of a point on it... :shock: but, I think perhaps you could be right Windy....its amazing what CAT scan and photoshop software can do these days... :roll: :roll: 8)
Author: Highwind
Date: 29 Dec 2005 6:13 pm
Paula,
I somehow cannot imagine you just taking flack from your "hex" for him botching repairs so bad and then somehow blaming you.
Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall to watch you set him straight.
And it is amazing what software can do to enhance firmware that hasn't firmed up as one would like. :roll: :roll:
Author: Walt
Date: 29 Dec 2005 6:18 pm
But only practice can make your aim better... and I never said anything about size, only aim!
Author: Paula
Date: 29 Dec 2005 8:45 pm
Highwind wrote:
Paula,
I somehow cannot imagine you just taking flack from your "hex" for him botching repairs so bad and then somehow blaming you.
Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall to watch you set him straight.
And it is amazing what software can do to enhance firmware that hasn't firmed up as one would like. :roll: :roll:
Took too much for too long...which might explain why I have a slightly low :oops: tolerance for it anymore.
On the other hand....I didn't find much to laugh about for quite a while either... and I'm making up lost time there too...